In the not-so-distant future, we will be under relentless, proverbial siege from the onslaught of tantalizingly-appealing slew of first-person shooter titles heading our way like an intercontinental ballistic missile launched by some crazed Communist villain intent on world domination or some other equally-unlikely career ambition. So far, to list but a few, we’ve got the zombie element covered by Left 4 Dead and Dead Island, we’ve got the more traditional military aspect handled by Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare and the long-awaited Crysis, and we’ve even got a supernatural contingency in the shape of Clive Barker’s Jericho – and let’s not forget Unreal Tournament 3 and the behemoth that is Halo 3 approaching rapidly.
With so many titles engaged in hostile maneuvers for market share, this can only be a good thing for fans of the genre. However, with commercial success and market saturation comes the inevitable counter-strike from poorer, imitation titles. It is with this in mind that I propose that we, the gamers, in the long-honored tradition of guerrilla tactics, hold the industry hostage financially with our considerable spending power until the following demands are met:
* In addition to the beautiful graphics, advanced physics and sophisticated sound promised to us by the aforementioned titles, all FPS titles should feature decent voice acting – terrible voice acting is the gaming equivalent of a friendly-fire incident and is, unfortunately, just as frequent. This will no longer be tolerated.
* All playable characters will demonstrate at least a modicum of non-combat intelligence – in addition to carrying an entire militia’s worth of weaponry single-handedly, the ability to wage entire military campaigns with no food, water or rest and the ability to reload magazines of ammo in under four seconds every time without fail, deductive reasoning, logical thought and common sense will be defining characteristics of our protagonists and will result in fewer needlessly-captured-by-the-enemy situations.
* All FPS games will feature well-crafted, convincing storylines and plot-arcs – for no other reason that they can and should. To emphasize: merely blowing stuff up with gigantic weapons is not enough, no matter how realistic the physics behind said explosions are.
Game developers, in a display of our considerable generosity and benevolence, you have until 2009 to comply with these basic instructions. Failure to do so will result in the execution of your respective intellectual properties, financial gains and the loss of valuable credibility.
Do not disappoint us, for we mean what we say.